Kelley Cash has had a successful career in radio for the past few years. I'm pretty sure she worked at KELI back in the 40s or something. She then went to another radio station (I can't remember what she said because I wasn't paying much attention.) and then met up with me at an oldies station. She was the morning show host and while there had around 4 different co-hosts. Think about that. 4 different co-hosts. I wonder why so many? Anyway, I was one of them and she got us fired. I never really thanked her for that. Days after being let go she came to K95 and I became homeless and ate out of garbage cans while she enjoyed her new job. Again, I never really thanked her for that.

Back to the beginning. Kelley has 9 brothers and 7 sisters. (I've never asked her how many but from the sound of things that's about right give or take 15.) I think her Dad is in the circus and loves wearing some really ugly hats and her Mom likes to eat Doritos. Kelley has something like 6 dogs. I've never really wanted to ask her what kind of dogs they are because I don't really care. She is about 5'2" and loves to embarrass herself. For example she burned up our microwave and caused the whole office to smell like burnt fish for 2 weeks. One day, recently, she somehow managed to drop her underwear in the middle of the hall at the radio station. Turns out it was all about the static cling and they were not the pair she had on that day or so she claims. She has never owned a car she didn't smash into someone or something. She's a Green Bay Packers fan too and even owns the cheese hats or whatever they're called. Oh, get this, she made me be one of her bridesmaids. I'm a guy. A straight guy. After the ceremony I had to walk down the isle with another guy who tried to hold my hand. I'll never forgive her for that. Kelley loves coney's and Mexican food. That's all I've ever seen her eat. She has 2 sons, Hayden and Dylan are their names. From the way she talks they are around 3 and 4 years old yet one is now driving. I predict they'll live at home well into their fifties.

Never argue with Kelley! One time I got into an argument over whether or not black was a color. She got a professor from TU to take her side. I still say black is a color. She says it's the absence of color. You see what I mean? She was willing to do whatever it took to win the battle. Speaking of which, she is a kung fu master. Seriously. One time she wanted to try out a new move on me so she asked me to attack her with a knife. I didn't want to do it. I mean, what if I were to succeed? Would a jury believe my story? I did it anyway. Within a split second she had disarmed me, threw me to the floor and was crushing my throat with her foot, snarling the whole time like it was real. I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking about that day. Another time I lost a bet and she made me dress up as an elf and stand on the corner of 41st & Skelly for 4 hours. To make matters worse she painted my cheeks red and took like six dozen photos and put them everywhere.

Kelley really is a good person with a good heart. She is a mother first and foremost and her family is the most important thing in her life. I believe she was born to be in radio so she's right where she needs to be. One last thing, I got some revenge on her recently when she bought my dryer. It broke down a couple of days later. Consider it a down payment for me being your bridesmaid. :)